Let’s Take a Minute…

There is just so much stupid to unpack.

Let’s take a minute to go over the stupid this week. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t take long, just a deep dive into the shallow end of the pool.

Well, of course let’s start with The Second Coming of the BeCankled Jesus (that would be Trump to those who aren’t paying attention). Trump’s offensive post offended large swaths of the religious world. (Not me, as I am a non-believin’ heathen and a 6^th cousin to Satan, so I wasn’t offended; merely amused).

The Tater President launched a meme of himself as Jesus, wearing a Jesus robe from the Big and Fat Men’s Club for Narcissists while he healed the sick. He has glowing magic hands and is surrounded by loving acolytes and screaming eagles. When everyone who loves Jesus went goggled-eyed bat-shit crazy when seeing this blasphemous image, Trumpy of the Cankles backpedaled and said, “I think I look like a doctor.” A third grader could come up with a better lie than that. Yes, we have a president that can’t lie any better than a third grader.

My editor, Steve Valkano has a theory about how Trump landed on this particular lie. It goes like this: One of Trump’s band of boneheads told Trump that if questioned why he is pretending to be Jesus, “Just tell everyone the image had been doctored.” But instead Trump, in his dumb skull full of FuckityFuckFuck Fuckery, took that to mean that he looked like a doctor, a story surely everyone would buy. Of course, no one did.

So the next day, to placate everyone’s hurt feelings, Donald apologized for posting such a stupid and insensitive meme and told everyone he is deeply sorry. HAH! NO, HE DIDN’T! He doubled down and posted another meme of Donald and Jesus hugging to make sure everyone knows that Jesus’s best friend is an incontinent lying criminal who starts wars.

Not to be outdone, The Harvard Couchfucker from Ohio jumped in to defend Douchy Don by telling the Pope that “the Pope should be a little more careful when speaking about theology.” Really!? Wow! The Pope needs a little more catechism to bone up on what god’s plan is? I think the Vicar of Christ may know a little more about theology than a whining little prick who was an atheist who married to a chain migration immigrant in a Hindu wedding, then married in a Christian wedding, then converted to Catholicism to reject the confused Protestantism of his youth. Hoo wee, that is a theologically challenged confused bag of mental dog vomit right there, folks.

In another epileptic fit of stupidity, JD called his decision to cut off funding to Ukraine, a democracy, and crack nuzzle the criminal dictator of Hungary one of his proudest moments.
How awful does his behavior have to be until he is ashamed of something?

Who’s next?

Howz aboutz Katie Miller, wife of the dashing Gruppenfuhrer Stevie Miller. Katie is completely fed up with all the horrible looking liberal men lurching about the planet. So, she posted:

Liberal men are unattractive.

Well yes, George Clooney, Justin Trudeau, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, John Legend, Samual L. Jackson, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, LeBron James are just a few of the truly hideous looking creatures she finds unattractive. I mean, who wouldn’t. But wanting to get a little more data, I took a quick poll of conservative women who were asked. “Would you fuck any of these liberal men?” 7% answered “Absolutely not.” 13% answered “Probably not.” And the remaining 80% said, “Not again.”

Nice try Katie.

Remember, “Liberal men are unattractive” comes from the mouth of the woman who voluntarily puts her mouth around Stevie Miller’s vampire dick and then tucks him into his bat guano-filled coffin at night. Does this woman have a lick (no pun intended) of credibility when it comes to picking out “attractive men?” I think not.

Isn’t he just dreamy…? So much more attractive than a liberal male.

Let’s not forget Drunkle Pete Hegseth. Pete blathered out a completely inappropriate prayer “taken from the bible” given to him from a lead planner of a rescue mission called CSAR 2517,” meant to reflect Ezekiel 25:17. It was meant to inspire a Pentagon audience of some sort. Except the prayer did not come from the bible, it came directly from the movie Pulp Fiction and it was a ranting monologue from Samuel L. Jackson to a man he was about to kill. How motherfucking biblically appropriate dumb is that.

Scott Bessent, “the Treasury Secretary Soy Bean Farmer,” vomited out a blast of stupidity yesterday by saying, “The Strait of Vermouth is now open.” How much vermouth have you been drinking Scott?

I’m sure there are ten or twelve other things worse than these that I have missed, but I need a nap.

Your “need to read” writers: Remember to read @GeneWeingarten, @Gloria Horton Young, @Steve Valk, @ Paul Krugman, @Heather Cox Richardson and for the best writing on Georgia politics @Charlie Hayslett on Substack and @Steve Sacks for political cartooning.

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T